Homes & Design Photo Credit: Re/Max

Will you make this house’s dream come true?

He has a dream to sell for $5,200,000 and he’s gone all out in the staging to get ‘er done!

Hi everyone! I’m Jimmy, a newish (2011) home in Vancouver’s nice(ish) neighbourhood of Arbutus. I may be on a standard(ish) 50-by-122-foot lot, but I have a dream. And that dream is to sell for $5,200,000.

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Sure, it’s not going to be easy, but I’ve gone all out to make someone fall in love with me. For example, I’ve got one of those new flat screen TVs—you know, the kind that some people actually mount on the wall and bother to hide the wires. Busybodies!

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And for your convenience I’ve placed my dining room table in the living room so you can eat a lovely roast beef dinner and relax with minimal movement (unless you choose the seats jammed against the wall—in that case you get to shimmy down and limbo a bit to get free!). Games are fun!

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And if you don’t want to eat at the dining room table, don’t worry. I have a second table, near the kitchen where six people can dine in a space designed for 14!

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And I saw you looking at my kitchen. I bet you never dreamed that for 11 times the price of an average-priced Canadian house you’d get a single wall oven…

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or a hood fan that looks like it was salvaged from a 1950s Soviet submarine.

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Upstairs I’ll introduce you to a world that you’ve never seen. A place where bedrooms are simultaneously ornate and oddly minimalist.

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But if that clutter makes you nervous, don’t worry. Downstairs is waiting for your ideas…

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…and more ideas.

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As long as you keep those two completely random pieces of furniture in each room. They’re special to me.

As for outside, what what can I say? Do you know the name Cornelia Oberlander? So did the three guys who dropped all this sod in an unrelenting straight line!

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Phew! That was a lot of talking, but I have to say I may have even convinced myself. Really, wouldn’t you rather have me than this crummy place in France? And only have $2,000,000 left over to mow its 44 acres and decorate its 10 bedrooms?

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I thought so.

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